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Tuesday, 24 November 2009

My First Nutter.

I didn't meet any 'nutters' in bedsit 1, simply because nobody else moved in (I might have been living with a basket case when I spent 2 weeks by myself but I digress), when I upped sticks and moved, I met Kev (name changed slightly), I finally met one, oh and what he case he was, the landlord was a nice enough guy, we sat there and over a couple of cans of Stella, small talk about football and a bit of chit chat and I moved in, Kev was obsessed with hygiene but it didn't seem to stretch as far as his finger nails which were permanently caked in dirt, even though he avoided work like the plague, his belief that the washing machine was 'talking to him' didn't endear me to him and the clincher came when a female ex mate came round one saturday night ( I was out, one thing about bedsits is that you get out as often as possible) so she made a point of arranging to call back in the week, meanwhile Kev fell in love and misinterpreted everything, come the day I arrived home from work and Kev had blown his giro on flowers, written a poem, bought a teddy bear, moved the Argos Hi Fi to the centre of the table, put what sounded like an outtake from 'Oxygene' or some forgotten Vangelis album on at full volume (who said romance is dead), laid out a tacky supermarket bought Indian meal on the table with the obligatory cheap bottle of wine and tried his best, it didn't work, his 'date' stormed out and I had to pick up the pieces, the poor guy actually dressed in......I KID YOU NOT, a Surplus British rail shirt, sleeveless British Rail jumper, sensible black trousers and shoes that looked like something out of a school playground circa 1980, Kev, who had spent all his giro and wasted it got angry when the poor girl informed him that she had come to see me, then asked me if he was mad, I was beginning to doubt my own sanity at this point before storming off, I did consider rocking the table, pushing a buffet trolley around, holding up placards and speaking through a tannoy but it was a tragic incident and I didn't want to labour the point, a few hours later, Kev informed me that he got excited when he didn't take his medication, so that's me told!

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